Dead Delectable, Darling
by I Spaz With Pizzazz
Summary: Mr. Todd knew that they wouldn't make a bad couple, and that was exactly the problem. Sweenett oneshot.


**A/N: **Sweeney Todd makes me happy. XD Just saying… See, I got inspired to finally have something in this fandom because I have to write a movie review in English. Which, of course, makes me start writing a scene instead of a review… -le sigh- Alas, I get distracted by plot bunnies easily. X3'

I hope you like it! :D

Disclaimer-ness

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Dead Delectable, Darling

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Toby loved those pies, and every time Mrs. Lovett watched him smiling so widely as he gulped them down, she almost felt bad about not telling him what was _really _in them. He was in the middle of another one right then, and she cringed a bit to herself, pitying the poor boy.

It wasn't like he was bad or greedy like the rest of the world. She couldn't picture him doing anything to deserve finding out what he'd been eating all this time, much less going into one of those pies. Oh, she'd hate to see him find out. The poor boy, really… He was sweet. Too sweet to fit in anywhere, especially in her shop that made cannibalism delicious.

"You know Mrs. Lovett," Toby mentioned through another happy mouthful, "I've never actually seen you or Mr. Todd eat one of these. Don't you ever get hungry around me?"

"Ahh." Her eyes darted to where Mr. Todd sat sullenly, begging him for help. All he did was stare back like he hadn't caught what Toby said or he simply didn't care anymore. (Probably he didn't care. He didn't care for much, except dreaming about Lucy and Johanna. Well, and Judge Turpin's lifeless corpse too, she figured, but mostly Lucy and Johanna.) "I'm sorry dear, what? I wasn't listening just then. What'd you say?" She lied, glaring at Mr. Todd. Some big help he was. It was his fault for killing the first guy to start with… If he hadn't have gone and done that, there'd be no Toby _or _any slightly morbid pie fillings to keep a secret.

The boy swallowed and repeated, "Don't you ever eat anything of what you make? I mean, it does seem a little strange."

Mrs. Lovett blinked somewhat nervously. Come on now, he couldn't possibly suspect something, could he?" "Strange?"

"See, say a customer asks what your pies are like, but then you don't know, seeing as you've never had one…"

Finally, Mr. Todd broke his silence and cut in boredly. "Don't you worry, Toby. We eat plenty of them, just not apparently that you've seen." He shot a glance back at Mrs. Lovett with a look that plainly said she overreacted too much.

Indignant, she stood and grabbed his arm. "As a matter of _fact, _I'm actually hungry now. Let's go bring some up from the cellar."

She had fully intended to yell at him for being such a drag all the time once they got down there. In the beginning it was just because she was annoyed that she decided to cart him off, but the more she considered, the more she felt like an old bickering married couple.

Aha.

…Which, of course, made her glow with pleasure and a smile, because being an old bickering married couple was all she wanted.

Mr. Todd stared expressionlessly at her, following her down the stairs and to the racks of pies. Ah, she was so fickle. And naïve. That was never a good thing, just look at his Lucy…

His Lucy.

He hated Mrs. Lovett for reminding him of what he'd lost, and hated her for putting up with him and his moods. Yes, he well knew he wasn't the best company, but for some insane reason she kept him around. She made them partners in crime. Where did she possibly think that would get her?

Nowhere but a bigger hell than they were already in.

The worst part, though, the _worst _part, was that he didn't mind her.

He didn't mind her.

He hated _himself _for that.

There was some part of him which worried something awful that Lucy was watching him from heaven or wherever, watching _them, _and thinking that he was going to replace her with Mrs. Lovett. He couldn't bear to have her think that.

Still, it wasn't as if Nellie Lovett was bad looking. She certainly had a fair brain in her head too; that was quite evident. Sweeney knew they wouldn't make a bad pair, and bad _couple, _and that was the problem.

Fighting her off kept getting harder and harder, especially the more it sunk in he would never be able to see Lucy again… He could never feel really alive with happiness again, because any misplaced belief in happiness had been stricken away from him when he'd been taken away from her. Then, she was gone too before he had a chance to find that laughter again.

He didn't _believe _in happiness.

It was _stupid _to go out looking for it. All that would accomplish was a certain, painful fall. And even if he were feeling stupid enough to try, Nellie Lovett was no place to start.

He knew that.

He knew that quite well, thank you very much.

Of course, sometimes what you know doesn't really matter at all, because you end up in the wrong place anyway.

Regardless, the whole thing was making his skin crawl. "What did you bring me down here for?" He sighed, leaning against a stone wall. "You're not seriously going to eat one of those wretched things, are you?"

"No, of course not! I'm just trying to…divert attention? Is that the word, love? Anyway, d'you think he'd turn us in if he found out?"

"He's not going to find out." Sweeney growled firmly, wanting to leave the basement. It was even gloomier down there than upstairs in his shop, and it reminded him too much of how alone he was. How alone he was _keeping _himself.

"Well, you don't have to bite my head off about it!" Ha. How ironic a thing to say considering their current circumstances. "I'm allowed to worry. Really." She tittered as her eye noticed a revoltingly large spider web over his shoulder. Damn. Another one! The whole building was overrun with disgusting insects enough as it was; it didn't need and more of them. "We can't possibly be the best of role models for him, though."

"You really care?" Mr. Todd muttered, not finding anything good enough to distract himself with.

"Love, no offense, but we kill people for a living." She rolled her eyes. "Quite frankly, that's not generally taught in etiquette lessons, dearie!"

Mrs. Lovett was a feisty woman and she wasn't afraid to show it. He liked that. Lucy hadn't been that way. She'd just shrunk away at the slightest opposition and let them have their way, and stayed in quiet innocence. But, as he'd learned quite brutally, when you try to be innocent, that only gets stripped from you.

Everything in the world was such a contradiction and a hypocrisy that it made him sick.

It made him want to _break _things.

It made him want to _slice _things.

It made him want to forget everything he'd ever seen.

Oh, oh, if he still had Lucy he wouldn't even realize how bad everything, everything, _everything _was, because he'd be too blind with goddamn _happiness _to notice.

If he still had Lucy he wouldn't have realized how Mrs. Lovett was so much more suited to him than anyone else was; because Mrs. Lovett could see how ruined the world was too. _She _could see. _She _knew. _She _was _alive _because _she _could tell it wasn't _safe _to be so _innocent _and so _trusting _all the time.

Yes, yes, she could be fickle and naïve, but she was resourceful. She could take care of herself if she had to.

Lucy hadn't been so lucky as to know how.

But anyway, Mr. Todd had enveloped himself in sudden thought again, and Mrs. Lovett couldn't stand staring at that spider web any longer. Crossing over in front of him, she stepped close, got on her toes, and leaned up to reach it. "'Scuse me, I just really need to get this, it's driving me—"

And in that moment, he snapped with sheer desperation and loneliness.

Before she knew it, his mouth was on hers.

At first, she didn't know what the hell to do.

She thought perhaps that maybe she was dreaming.

No, she was awake. (Even going so far as to pinch herself to check.)

But _really._

Sweeney Todd was kissing her.

She was _ecstatic._

(And confused. Very, very confused, but more so ecstatic. She'd only waited what seemed like _months…)_

He wasn't confused. He knew exactly what he was doing, although it wasn't working how he was begging for it to work.

As he hungrily pressed into her, cradling her head in his hand, clutching at a lock of her wild hair, he was creaming in his head for Lucy to see and come back.

Come back and tell him that she hated him for kissing someone else. He wanted her to hit him and yell and start to cry, cry, _cry _because he was with another woman.

Her wanted her to see and come back to life and _come back to him _and never let him out of her sight again.

Oh, that's what he wanted _so badly._

Lucy.

Lucy, damn it Lucy!

Wasn't it Lucy who he wanted, though?

Wasn't it?

Lucy?

Only Lucy…?

But she didn't appear no matter how furiously he kissed Mrs. Lovett.

It was only Lucy, right?

Or no matter how much he secretly _enjoyed _the fact that he was actually kissing Mrs. Lovett.

Something in his heart was breaking all over again for the second time when he recognized that Lucy wasn't going to come scold him. There wouldn't be even a single moment's glance of her face or even a strand of her yellow hair.

She was gone and only Mrs. Lovett and a box of razors and a steaming need for revenge were left in her place.

The worst part?

He didn't mind.

When eventually Nellie and Sweeney broke apart, breathless and shocked, they wandered back upstairs wordlessly. Both of them knew they probably shouldn't say anything about what had happened, even to each other. Things were probably best if the kiss stayed _one _stolen kiss, because Mr. Todd was far too terrified of losing someone again to tempt getting close to them, despite how he might feel.

Toby watched them file back upstairs and blinked once. "So where's the pie?"

"Pie?" Mrs. Lovett was still dazed. "Oh. Oh, yes, love. We decided to, ah, go ahead and eat one down there. Couldn't…couldn't resist, you know…!"

"Oh. All right. Delicious?"

She turned her head and her gaze followed Mr. Todd magnetically as he retreated cool and composed as always, into another room. Back to his usual brooding self. "Mhm." She licked her lips, remembering how his had tasted there. She planned to savor that for a long while. "Entirely delicious, love…"

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End file.
